A lost  girl in a far away land once said, “There’s no place like home…”I must say I have found myself misplaced quite a few times in my life and it is definitely scary. There are strangers all around, unknown streets that seemingly twist and wind, and fear in your heart that you may never find your way home. However, most of our immediate reactions to being lost are irrational.

The same can be said about traveling. Many are afraid of the unknown, especially in places with different religions, languages, and social norms. This causes people to stay safely tucked in their comfort zones, never willing to leave their black and white lives behind in search of adventure. I believe it is my duty as an avid traveller and title holder to teach those around me the value of exploring. My official platform is to advocate the importance of travel and cultural sensitivity.

My favourite magazine National Geographic has articles featuring places all over the world like Kyoto, Japan

My favourite magazine, National Geographic, has articles featuring places all over the world like Kyoto, Japan, Valsavarenche, Italy, and even tiny villages in  rural Africa.

I almost feel as if this platform chose me, as I was a traveller long before I became a title holder. I am only 18 years old and I already have been to 10 different countries. I know many people who are much older than I who have never even owned a passport, let alone left the country… To me, traveling means the world (pun intended). There is so much out there; there are new smells, exotic flavours, and brilliant sights. I truly just have an insatiable craving to experience it all.

Our Earth is so full of wonder and I have noticed that the most memorable moments abroad are always the ones that are seemingly the most insignificant at the time. To elaborate, last year I was on was en route to Krakov, Poland and our bus driver decided to make a quick pit stop at a small roadside restaurant just off of the highway. I just remember stepping away from the bus, walking down a small path to explore a bit on my own in the nearby forest, and  taking a deep breath of clean bright air.

If only we had cameras that could capture smells.. hmm

If only we had a camera that could capture scent.. hmm

It sounds strange to describe, but I could taste the purity of the air. There was such a unique taste/smell combination and it was so intoxicating I wanted to stand there forever and just take it in. There was sunlight streaming through the leaves above and it was slightly cool. Everything felt so serene…I never wanted to leave that spot. It’s true that I may never have that kind of moment again, but to have felt that sense of oneness with my surroundings for even a moment is something that I know has made an imprint on my soul. It is quite strange how much a single moment can influence who you are or who you can be. It very much reminds of this quote: “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”.

As Miss Teenage Canada I would promote my platform by doing what I have always done, which is travel 🙂 My next goal is to take a road trip across Canada and see just how beautiful our country really is. You don’t always need to hop on a plane to get to a new place. As I move province to province, territory to territory I will take a a picture at every border and try and talk to at least two people per stop about some of the following things:

a) Where have you travelled in the world (if any)?

b) What is your cultural background?

c) How do you feel the city you live in handles social stigmas concerning ethnic/ cultural stereotypes (if any)?

d) if you could be anywhere in the world right now where would you be and why?

All of these questions are fairly simple, but the amazing thing is I can almost guarantee no two answers will be the same.

Overall, I am ready to face the world and explore all it’s nooks and crannies, every desert and forest, concrete jungle and corn field. I am ready not just as Miss Teenage Durham, nor just as a potential Miss Teenage Canada. I am ready as Shayna Buckle.

 

 

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There are 196 countries in the world, so how is it that we were lucky enough to be born in Canada? Was it fate? Chance? God? I do not know, but what I do know is that I am one of the most privileged people in the world simply because I am Canadian. If you don’t feel like Canada is that great because we have cold winters and high taxes, just lend me your time and I will remind you how blessed we truly are.

Right now it is summertime. There is a fresh breeze on this 24 degree celsius day with clear skies and plenty of sunshine.

We live in a beautiful place..!

We live in a beautiful place..!

One thing that gets overlooked too often is the greenery we have. Our trees, our grass, our flowers. It seems like such a minor thing, but cold grass on bare feet is a luxury afforded by few outside of North America. Now there is more to this story than just the colour green (which also happens to be my favourite colour). Canada is also best known for our abundance of natural resources, which includes fishing, hunting/ trapping, agriculture, oil/ mining, and (you guessed it) forestry and logging. In 2013, production in the forest sector contributed $19.8 billion to Canada’s Gross Domestic Product or GDP for short (Government of Canada). Not only is our greenery beautiful, but it is also useful. Aside from our greenery, the land itself is so diverse, from the rocky coasts of Nova Scotia to the plains throughout Alberta and B.C… I haven’t seen it with my own eyes, but I plan to… sounds like a road trip to me! 🙂

Proudly Canadian

Proudly Canadian

Ontario is home to one of the greatest cultural hubs; the city of Toronto boasts almost every ethnicity, sexual-orientation, language, and religion in the world. I am in love with the fact that you can be who you are in Canada. I am a proud supporter of gay marriage and Canada has supported gay marriage since 2005.  The United States only just legalized gay marriage for their entire country. Did you know there are still countries where being gay is punishable by death? Canada is great because we recognize all human beings as equal. In my travels I have also noticed that there are not very many interracial relationships outside of Canada. I remember being in Poland, Germany, Czech Republic, and Hungary and not seeing a single ethnically mixed person between a minority and a majority. For some reason I was starting to feel like an outsider and not just a tourist by the end of the trip. It is not a good feeling being excluded for the colour of your skin, and in Canada the number of people who feel that way is minimal and perhaps even nonexistent. Allow me to paint another picture.The vast majority of the world see Canada and the United States as interchangeable and similar in almost every aspect. What they do not realize however is Canada is a cultural mosaic and the USA is a melting pot. This means that in Canada, your nationality does NOT define who you are. You can be Canadian-Italian if you like or simply Canadian. Just look downtown to find a miniature Chinatown only 15 minutes away from the core of the city. We accept everyone as they are and thus we have this beautiful array of people in our country. In the US if you are American, you are expected to shed the majority of your previous affiliations and stand proud and free as just an American ( a generalization but one that does hold truth). It becomes harder to hold onto your roots when you are constantly being bombarded by the American way and wether you would like to or not you end up assimilating. I actually have experienced this first hand while living in Arizona. What makes our nation so amazing is that Canada embodies acceptance for all in almost every form.

Another great thing about Canada is that we can educate ourselves at the library, online, and in school that is free for twelve years! Thousands of people immigrate to Canada every year for our renowned education systems. Because I Am a Girl is an organization that actually taught me about women who are oppressed because of their gender, and they seek to end the rampant inequality in countries like Syria, Iran, and Iraq. In Canada, we see no such injustice.

I am grateful for my education.

I am grateful for my education.

That is a statement that can really sum up why Canada is such a great place. We have justice. We have democracy. We care for one another through our tax system. Perhaps you may never need to go to a hospital, but would it not be an injustice if you could help someone in need, but decided not to so you could save a couple bucks? We have high taxes, but our elderly are taken care of, our youth who have the tendency to break their noses every hockey game are taken care of. As children we have memories of bubbles, chalk art, bike rides, and sports. Children in Haiti have memories of factory lines, 12 hour shifts, and hunger. Our government tries to keep the gap between the wealthy and poor small to prevent extreme poverty and suffering through programs like welfare, which is paid for through taxes… Even if we do still have people without homes on the street at least there are programs in place to try and make change to help them. We sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture because we’ve never experienced extreme hardship, but we can help just by changing our perspectives… In Canada we have justice, and because we do it is our responsibility to share it with those who do not. I guess you could say it is in our nature to be polite haha

Red, white, and a maple leaf. Canada has one of the most recognizable flags in the world and one that we all proudly carry. In conclusion, I know I personally carry it with pride because the Canadian flag is an archetype for the peace, diversity, acceptance, and kindness of the people found in our country. Why do you carry your flag?

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Hello Hello! Two hellos are twice the happiness 🙂 I apologize for the lack of blogs in the past three weeks, however I would grab some popcorn and pull up a chair as I blog spam you with the tornado of events that have happened recently. This particular blog is going to be about my prom and prom weekend, which happened on June 5th,6th, and 7th… *Climbs into time machine*

Friday June 5th, 2015

Hello once again! Glad you made the trip back safely 😉 The morning is overcast and dewy and it smells like rain. As a child I used to be a morning person, but somewhere between my 13 year old teen angst phase and now I have transformed into someone who loves to sleep. Prom morning was different though, and when I woke up at 8am I felt a twinge of impending excitement and only a little bit groggy. Breakfast was simple; I had cereal, fruit, and OJ. I chose to get ready with my mom, and we headed out for pedicures and manicures at 930ish. I wanted to make sure my dress was the main focus, so I chose a soft pink for my toes and a simple french manicure. After nails, hair, and makeup were done (pictures will be at the end!), my mom and I headed over to the park across the street to take some pictures. We were so lucky because just as we finished and started heading home it started raining. I was pretty upset with the rain because the day before had been so beautiful and it turned out that the day after prom was warm and sunny. Anyway instead of renting a limo my friends and I all decided to carpool in my truck 🙂 So with my clutch, keys, and  umbrella in hand I headed out to pick them up. To get hyped up and ready to dance we put together an awesome Pre-Prom Playlist!   

Pre-Prom Playlist whoop whoop!

Pre-Prom Playlist whoop whoop!

After I picked up my girls there was only one thing left to do, which was to head to prom 🙂 Overall the night was amazing, although I do regret the lack of pre-prom pictures outside because of rain. My date was so sweet, the food was good, and the music amazing. I loved how our DJ played fun and upbeat songs from every genre, and not just today’s top 25. My favourite being a soca song 🙂 There was a photo booth and large dance floor.Our theme was a Venetian Carnival and the venue was perfectly suited for the decorations.  I felt so proud that the evening turned out so well, as I was on the prom committee and had such a huge hand in the planning. I felt very satisfied with the night, especially knowing how much hype there is on prom by the media. I couldn’t describe to you in words how wonderful it was, but there is a little saying you might know that could help. Here are a few of the pictures I did take, so hopefully they will be able to provide the words I am lacking. (The saying is a picture is worth a thousand words aha)

We are DOC's angels :p

We are DOC’s angels :p

poses at the park

poses at the park

The center piece I designed

The center piece I designed

My beautiful corsage of roses <3

My beautiful corsage of roses <3

My adorable date :)

My adorable date 🙂

The lovely venue

The lovely venue

Everyone went home with a custom flute to celebrate the class of 2015! *Unmasque our Future*

Everyone went home with a custom flute to celebrate the class of 2015! *Unmasque our Future*

Weekend of June 5th, 2015

As a graduation present, my mom surprised me with tickets to watch the Women’s World Cup live in Ottawa!!! So saturday June 6th at 9am, we hit the road 🙂 There’s nothing like a road trip with your family when you have good conversation, good music, and a once-in-a-lifetime experience waiting for you at the end. We stayed at the Holiday Inn in the heart of the city. Since we were a day early, my mom and I went to the Canadian Museum of Nature 🙂DSC02421

The refined minerals are below their unrefined counterparts

The refined minerals are below their unrefined counterparts

It was really cool 🙂 I never knew how many different species of birds there are, nor do I understand why people are so obsessed with diamonds after seeing so many beautiful minerals and precious stones. I love going to museums, I believe they are great places for the public to interact with a world they otherwise would have no idea about. For example, dinosaurs have been extinct for millions of years.Yet regular people like you and I are gifted with the opportunity to stand in front of their immense fossils. Impossible you ask? Only in movies with computer technology and green screens? No, what seems unimaginable is made real by scientists who have reconstructed entire skeletons and put them on display. It is so important not to take available information for granted, and to learn as much as possible if we can. I am even more aware of how blessed I am as a girl because there are women in the world who are still denied access to basic education.

I made a new friend at the aquarium <3

I made a new friend at the aquarium <3

Anyway, back to soccer. There were two games on Sunday. Norway played Thailand first at 1pm and Germany played the Ivory Coast second at 4pm. If you know me well, which I think you all are getting to, you will know I love Disney movies. In particular, I LOVED Frozen ♥ What is the point of that you may ask? Well I was rooting for Norway in the first game. To tie it all together, the clothing, architecture, and even the geography were all based on Norway and traditional Norwegian culture 🙂 I was so pumped when Norway ended up winning 4-0. I have never been so excited in my entire life. We were even in the very front row, practically on the field!  I’ve never been to a professional soccer game, let alone a FIFA match! I was overjoyed to be there; i think i thanked my mom over twenty times♥

The opening ceremony for Thailand and Norway! :o

The opening ceremony for Thailand and Norway! 😮

The games were pretty long, but we had enough time between the matches to go shopping in the gift shop 🙂 I bought an awesome adidas trainer jacket and ball cap. After visiting the store we headed back to our seats just in time for kickoff. The game was so intense. The players of Ivory Coast became extremely aggressive after Germany scored their fifth goal, and five girls walked away with yellow cards. One girl most likely would have been expelled from the tournament with a red card if her coach hadn’t pull her off the field. I was on the sideline and was scared.Despite all of the dirty playing and fouls Germany still won the game 10-0! That is an unheard of score in soccer and could probably parallel something like 300 points in an NMA game, or match an NHL game with 13 goals.

momma and I <3

momma and I <3

After the game  we left the stadium and my mom and I enjoyed some of the best bacon mac and cheese either of us have ever had. With a long drive in the morning we didn’t bother to stay up late, but I despite the exhaustion I must say we both went to sleep with a smile.

I got a picture with the FIFA mascot!

I got a picture with the FIFA mascot!

Thanks for watch this episode of Back to the Past – the next blog will be about my high school graduation, so stay tuned!

 

~Yours Truly~

Shay

P.S. don’t forget to donate to my gofundme page 🙂

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Good morning! 🙂  I have so much to tell you about! These last two weeks have been incredibly busy, thus only now are you hearing about my adventures. three weeks ago I went on a trip back to Arizona to see my friends who were graduating high school. Just in case you didn’t remember, I lived in Arizona for three years for the 8th, 9th, and 10th grade. While there I founded some of the rare friendships that last a lifetime, so I felt compelled to be there to support them during such a momentous milestone. Aside from the actual graduation ceremony, I spent as much time as possible just catching up with friends and enjoying the valley sun. The weather there was a stunning 40 degrees Celsius with blue skies everyday! I forgot how beautiful the city of Chandler is with its palm trees and extensive landscaped golf courses. However, this actually may be the state’s tragic flaw.

The beautiful grass and flowers need extensive and constant irrigation; the water is being pumped in from the Colorado River. The tragedy of this is that the available water supplies are declining exponentially, and this is evidenced by simply looking at the water rationing in California who also draw on the Colorado River. These are only two of the seven states that rely on this river, so the future is just as uncertain in Arizona as it is in California (Acuna, Burke). Being aware of these current events may not seem important to us in Canada, as we have the Great Lakes for our fresh water which is a seemingly unlimited supply. However, we need to pay attention and understand that we must take care of the resources we have and to avoid abusing them, so we can ensure a secure and sustainable future.

Aside from the potential water rationing in Arizona I had an amazing time and it was worth every penny 🙂 Here are some pictures from my trip ..!

Sincerely,

`Shay`

 

 

P.S. Read more about the water crisis here.

Blue skies everyday

Blue skies everyday, mountains off in the distance.

They did it!

They did it!

A snapchat selfie :P

A snapchat selfie 😛

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They are my brothers <3

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True friendship can’t be broken by distance.

Snapchat-7314790279048077563

I missed the mountains <3

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Hayy there! Yes, hay is for horses but it is also great as a greeting *puns* . Anyway, as I briefly mentioned before, I have been working on an independent business venture within my school. This venture consisted of selling t-shirts that would be exclusively available to the grade twelve students to commemorate our graduating year. My inspiration for this idea came from the sale of class rings.

Some casual modeling ;)

Some casual modeling 😉

These rings can be quite pricey and a t-shirt is a more affordable and fashionable alternative. Well after weeks of advertising over the announcements, reviewing the final designs and colours, going into bounty-hunter mode to collect people’s money, being harassed with a constant flow of “are the shirts ready yet?”, waiting somewhat patiently for the order to be completed after a two week delay, and just running around in general trying to make sure everything stayed organized it is all finally coming to a close. I was able to pick up the finished product yesterday and I love them <3 During lunch my friend Zoe and I set up a table in the front foyer of our school to distribute to the paying and not very patient grade twelve students 🙂

What it looks like to achieve your goals #pride

What it looks like to achieve your goals #pride

Unfortunately, there were many people who were missing at school today because prom is tomorrow and if you haven’t been taking care of your eyebrows on a regular basis it very well could take an entire day to tame those caterpillars Lol. The distribution process will continue on Tuesday, and hopefully I will be able to get a group picture with all the students who bought a shirt 🙂 I’m so proud, maybe I have a future in sales… There are endless possibilities for the future 🙂 Anyway, until tomorrow when I will have to fill you in about PROM!! 😀

Cheers,

~Shay~

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My track spikes are Apple Green >:D

My track spikes are Apple Green >:D

Runner’s Take Your Marks, Get Set…Go! Lake Ontario Secondary School Athletics: The Track and Field Edition. On May 20th, Catholic Schools from around the region gathered to compete over two epic days of running, jumping, throwing, and leaping. Unfortunately, due to the strike the field felt fairly empty, and there were even some races with only one person in it (That’s what happened in the Midget girls 90 meter hurdles… She went home with a gold medal, since she technically was first).

We weren't the only ones who noticed the absence of the public school athletes...

We weren’t the only ones who noticed the absence of the public school athletes…

In regards to the strike, I feel so grateful to go to a catholic school, especially since I am a grade twelve student.Having been out of the classroom for over a month, public school students not only miss out on a necessary education, but also on activities like soccer, track & field, a graduation ceremony, and in some cases prom.I also know students whose conditional acceptances were revoked because their midterm marks did not meet their requirements. Not to mention these students all need to attend summer school to make up for the massive amount of time missed in school. I know it is illegal for nurses  to go on strike because their absence would be immediately detrimental to the public. Though this is not the case with students, these long term strikes have a lasting impact on the future of graduating students.

Anyway, aside from the noticeable absence of more than 200 athletes, I had tons of fun and even went home with a ribbon and a medal 🙂 I ran three events this year; I ran 100m hurdles, the 100m dash, and the 4x100m relay. I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to be officially running the hurdles, it has been 2 years since I’ve run an official race.

Running is in my blood.

Running is in my blood.

Considering my lack of coaching I was really proud of myself, I placed second overall and went home with the silver 😀 The weather that day was sunny and warm in the morning, but as the day slipped by clouds rolled in and the temperature dropped. Our team did what we could to share sweaters, sweatpants, and makeshift blankets. Cheering helped get our blood pumping as well if we didn’t have any more events left. Near the end of the day were the relay races. Since we had a senior team, we were the second last race of the day behind the boys race. I am the second fastest senior on my team, so I ran the first leg of the race. Being first in a race always makes me nervous, and this was EXTREMELY evident when I false-started before the gun. If I false-started a second time it would be an immediate disqualification for my entire team… Thankfully this was not the case, and as the gunman fired his second shot I raced around the curve against five other schools. I was able to put my team in first place with a 2 second lead, but the competition was fierce and we ended up finishing in fourth. I was okay with this though, as we all got green ribbons and green is my favourite colour haha The day was a successful one and my teammates also did very well. Though I qualified for regionals I unfortunately was unable to attend because I was going to be in Arizona! Now that itself will be a whole new blog… Until next time! 🙂

 

 

~Yours Truly~

Shay

Love my team <3

I love my team <3

P.S. 59 days until Nationals! 🙂 Don’t forget to help me get there!

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“I’m gonna pop some tags, only got twenty dollars in my pockettt….” Ahh nothing like a little bit of thrift shopping to alleviate the everyday strife of a tumultuous teen life :p As it was Mother’s Day Weekend there was a 50% sale for all women’s clothing and accessories at the Salvation Army! My friend Zoe and I literally only had $20 each, so we were in desperate need of some bargains.

Sales on sales on sales!

Being among the racks brought me back to my volunteering days at the Salvation Army in Oshawa a couple months ago, and if you didn’t know, for every dollar spent 89 cents go back into the community 🙂 So if you’re ever in need of a faux mink coat or a case for your prized bowling ball go shop at Salvation Army! We didn’t spend spend too much time there, but we both walked away with some killer deals!! The number one rule when thrifting is to always keep an open mind (hmm not a bad life principle either) because you never know what you’re going to find… Has anyone else noticed the accidental rhymes? Lol I just did it again. Anywhoodle, I scored a pair of perfectly fitted, retro, high-waisted jeans 😀 Did I mention they’re red? <3  I didn’t quite believe in love-at-first-sight before, but I must say  I am reconsidering my opinion.  I also got a similar pair of Calvin Klein jeans that are orange 🙂 Annnnd a really cute pink purse that I swear walked right out the Clueless movie. It’s strange because i’m not usually a pink person in regards to clothes, but I’ve been wanting to step outside my fashion-box and try something new. Well that’s all for now, I have a really amazing social experiement i’m working on, so stay tuned for more! 😉

I found love in these jeans <3

Yours Truly,

~Shay~

 

 

P.S. We also went to the mall, and casually tried on a few prom dresses! I just wanted to post a picture of my favourite, so may I have a drum roll please? ********************************************************************************  

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April showers bring May flowers<3

Good morning 🙂 First off, I would like to apologize for disappearing off the face of the blog-world for a bit! This past month has been very hectic, and if you read my last blog you would know it has been both physically and emotionally strenuous. I can honestly say even though its been a month I still don’t know how I feel about my parents separating. However! I am moving forward with my head up and have been keeping very busy, which I have found to have helped me  handle the situation immensely. Overall I can say I am at an 8 out of 10 opposed to the 3 out of 10 I would’ve rated myself a month ago 🙂

You may perhaps be wondering to yourself, what could Shayna possibly be so busy with? Well let me tell you! Now that it is officially springtime, all the activities I enjoy doing are possible again 🙂 This would include soccer and track. As far as track and field goes, I love the sport, competing is such an integral part of who I am. My favourite event is the hurdles race. Last year I was not allowed to run them however because we didn’t have a coach, as it was only the school’s first year in a long time having a team 🙁  BUT GUESS WHAT! This year it has been decided that I not only will be able to run this year, I am the coach!!!! I am so excited and proud to accept this responsibility 😀 It means so much especially because I was the one who petitioned with over 75 signatures to continue having a track and field team. *Our team last year only had about twelve people on it!*

I am so excited to run and coach for hurdles this year 😀

All right where was I? Oh yes, I’m a busy bee haha  I am also on the prom committee (as I go to a Catholic school we have been unaffected by the strike, and the event is moving ahead as planned thankfully!) and prom is only one month away. Prom planning is incredibly stressful, I never would have guessed how hard decision making would be when a dozen people need to agree!!  I am on also on student council and we are putting together our annual talent show in less than two weeks. Oh! and I am also organizing a personal venture with my friend, as we are in the process of starting our own  business (More details on that later).

Overall, I’m so grateful to be busy because it gives me a purpose. On that note I will bide you adieu until next time, as I am going to meet my dad for breakfast <3

 

Yours Truly,

Shayna 🙂

 

P.S. Only 3 months until Nationals! 😀

P.P.S. Here are some breakfast pictures I took this morning haha

Bacooon

There is never a bad time for breakfast *Eaten at 12:23pm*

 

 

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Hello blog, i’m not sure how one begins a post like this one, but i guess I should start at the beginning. This morning my dad drove me to school, and on the way there nobody talked. When I asked him about when he worked he replied. Then he just came out and said, “I think you should know that your mom and I talked and we have broken up”. Or something like that I wasn’t really paying attention to the exact words… A few days ago we had a conversation about what the future might hold and some struggles he and my mom were having, but even though he mentioned separating it didn’t quite register, nor did I think it was ever seriously going to come to that. Again I don’t really remember what he said after that, except the typical cliche “I still love you very much” and “this doesn’t change our relationship at all”. By the time we got to the school, he was still talking about details and what was going to happen, like how he couldn’t afford to move out right away, but he would try to be gone by May as per my moms wishes. And he probably would have kept talking, but I just had to escape. I gave him tight hug and basically ran out of the car… There was a school bus parked in front us, and I could feel tears already running down my face and at that moment I just remember praying no one was in the bus, so they wouldn’t see me cry. I laugh now in hindsight because when I walked into the office I remember brushing my tears off to the secretary as allergies and we both joked about how miserable having headaches and being stuffy is. I have a first period spare, and I was early so I just ended up in the library with my headphones in, and I felt okay for the rest of the hour. But then once second period started I just felt like I’d

The trigger

been hit by a truck and punched in the gut. I tried so hard to hold onto my last shred of composure and stability, but then I got a text from my friend Adam asking me if I was okay, cause he had seen me crying from inside of the stupid yellow bus in front of the school. I was in the middle of math and I just tried to put my hair in front of my eyes as I asked to go to the bathroom.

I’ve always prided myself on the fact I’ve never EVER cried at school (aside from actual injuries) because I am proud of myself for being able to see the silver lining in every situation, and to pull myself up by the bootstraps cause I’ve always had to do so. But as I fell into the thankfully empty girls washroom and into the last stall I just broke.

I can’t even type this right now without sobbing. I’m not even ashamed to say I am an ugly crier. I just need a minute…

 

 

 

I had to stay for a solid ten minutes in the bathroom that by some miracle stayed empty fighting myself for control. I’ve never tried so hard to keep it together and failed. I had a text from my dad too and I couldn’t even read the first sentence because it made it feel too real. Cold water and toilet paper couldn’t erase or hide the bloodshot eyes that I had then and have now. The rest of the day felt so long, and I ended up back in that boxing ring, my tears versus my willpower, with my mitts tied tied tight three more times. I don’t know if it was a cruel ironic twist of fate, but it was freezing rain all day. Gotta love some pathetic fallacy.  Thank goodness for my ipod, because I don’t know what would’ve happened if I had to be alone with my thoughts and my new reality all day.

All that keeps buzzing around in my head is the words my mom said. “Sometimes love isn’t enough”. Maybe it’s just me being naive or inexperienced in love and life, but if you don’t hold on to the people who love you so badly it hurts what is left?My step-dad and mom were engaged, and yeah I am aware it wasn’t official, but I can’t help but think of those would-be wedding vows. “For better or for worse”. “For richer or for poorer”. “In sickness and in health”. Those vows to me are all just synonyms for “Love is enough, and I love you”. It’s crazy, because I feel like the whole concept is just too ridiculous to grasp. I obviously don’t know the whole story and what did or did not happen to lead up to this. What makes me angry though is the assumption that it’s not my relationship so it doesn’t affect me. Of course it does! Actually I digress, because if I continue on this path this post will be a mile long haha It doesn’t feel real and I know that it won’t for a while. I am grateful for the time we did have as a whole family, but i’m also bitter for having to be shattered once again. I just want somebody to rub my back and tell me it will be okay, but I also would rather hear the ugly truth than a beautiful lie. It’s pretty late and I’m so physically and emotionally drained. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Grateful I have Kevin and my Little Blankie - never too old for anything that makes you feel safe

Good-night

Shayna

Written by: Shayna
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Posted On: Categories:Miss Teen Durham

Had to take a selfie with Mayor Ryan 🙂

Today is the last day of the Easter weekend, and what a weekend it has been. Allow me to backtrack slightly to Saturday, which was when I had my first official appearance as Miss Teenage Durham in the 11th Annual Royal Canadian Legion parade! I was privileged enough to be on the legislative float of Pickering and met some very respectable politicians, including the mayor! The entire event was amazing, and the experience was priceless.

When I walked into the Legion building at 8:45 in the morning I was instantly drawn into a welcoming place that had been plucked out of history. Exposed wooden beams on the ceiling and memorial plaques lined the walls of the interior.There was a long shuffle board table off to the side, as well as a slight but particular musk in the room that reminded me of flipping through old photo albums with my nana. There was music playing that came from the “oldies jukebox” station, and songs like I’m So Proud by the Impressions played softly in the background…There was a massive wooden propeller mounted at the back too… I was quite blown away because I have driven past this place dozens of times and never noticed it before.

I wish I could play the banjo!

The parade was an absolute success, but my favourite part was meeting the veterans and military persons who had come out. I noticed that they acted like little kids with new toys who liked to get themselves into shenanigans. One group of guys in particular, were all messing around on the school bus we took to get to the beginning of the parade. Did I mention they are all over 65 years old? I was sitting beside a sweetheart named Sandy and a kind but burly man named Joe was in the seat across from us. Joe jokingly called me princess the whole time haha. Anyways, he poked Sandy and was teasing him about how he got to sit with all the pretty ladies. Sandy of course just winked and replied with an, “I can’t help it if I’ve got it and you don’t”.  Which led to varying degrees of manly displays and loud declarations of who was a better gentlemen. I don’t think I can count how many times “Ladies first” was said, even if it was only to get on and off the school bus <3 I must also mention my second favourite person in the parade, who I never ended up getting his name, but we talked for at least and hour and laughed and listened to the twang of his banjo. Did I mention he had the best outfit in the entire place with his duck cap and bow tie? He also had multi-coloured socks on with their own bows attached <3  I realize it was those little things that made the event so memorable, and made me feel so grateful for my title because I never would have otherwise had the honour to meet such amazing and lively people <3 I wish I had taken a few more pictures with my new friends, but it is okay because it just means I have to hold onto the memory a little tighter. It truly was the highlight of my weekend and I am so excited to continue getting involved and meeting new people 🙂

On the float with the councillors 🙂

The fantastic and very festive float I was on (Check out that alliteration lol)

Thanks for reading and stayed tuned for more 🙂

Sincerely,

~Shay

Written by: Shayna
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Posted On: Categories:Miss Teen Durham